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The Word of God is Seed

The word of God is seed. The first time these words landed in my ears I was very excited because I knew I had gotten my biggest revelation yet. However, as time went by and I had a couple of my plans delayed, this very quote that had me excited at first turned into a torture – a thorn in my flesh if you may.
You see, I was and still am very well aware of God’s word being made manifest the moment He speaks it. That is the first revelation we receive of Him in the Bible. However, I am also aware of God giving us hints into what the future holds for us. He plants tiny little seeds into us, and we hold on to that word for dear life because what could be more exciting than this thing that God promised to me, right? That was not the case for me. Actually, it isn’t the case for me as I type this. I do not want to pretend that I am in a great place now, though I know I will be by the time you get to read this post.

It was a hot afternoon in what I presume was the year 2018. I was cleaning around the house while talking to myself when God dropped this revelation from the famous Parable of the Sower. God’s word is a seed. Supposing that all factors are right – you have your Godly circle in place, your relationship with God is amazing, you’re able to hear from Him and you have all those other goodies that we know we should have if we are to claim to be living our best lives in Christ – you have what is called the fertile ground; the heart that is ready to receive what God has to say. Coupled with what God says is our ability to take care of what He says; to take care of His seed. This is where the nasty work begins. Most times, when God gives us seed, He gives us a word that cannot be made manifest by the kind of person we currently are. And so He gives us this word/seed, and we now have to do some digging. We need to find out what we have in our hearts or our ground that would make it hard or impossible for the word of God to grow, or in this case, be made manifest. After we do the digging with the help of our Helper of course, we now have to plant this seed. After planting it, we bury it – this time not with the dirt we just removed, but with the correction that we got from God. Bury it in a heart that wants to forgive as opposed to one that holds grudges, or one that is willing to share and not hoard anything. After that process, we now get to watering. We water the seed/ the word of God by spending time between Bible pages, listening to sermons, spending time with friends who edify us and most importantly, His presence. The aim of watering His word is to ensure that we are feeding it the right nutrients for it to grow, and not making room for any wilting to happen. After a while, the seed grows. At first it’s a tiny plant, then next thing we know, it’s a whole tree. In between this growth process is pruning: What or who do I have that is stunting the word that God gave me? What’s getting in the way of me becoming an evangelist like God said I would? What habits do I need to let go of to become more like the person that God described to me? When the tree grows to a certain extent, it now starts producing fruits and these fruits, other seeds.

It was such a profound message to me to learn that manifesting the word of God was a lot like the tree-planting process. It made understanding it very easy for me, and I felt like “at least I’m not all the way bad at gardening!”

Wrong. Very wrong. It took me two good years to realize the painful process that this tree planting or seed growing was. How, when the seed is growing, you’re less excited about the fact that it’s growing and are more excruciated at the pain that it causes when it’s breaking the walls of your heart and your comfort zone, and testing the legitimacy of your faith while it’s at it. I especially hated that it felt like every time my faith faltered, that it looked as though I had stopped watering this seed and so its growth had consequently stopped. I hated that it was a lot of dirty work. I hated that I didn’t ask God for this word or this gardening experience.

I am in a season of my life where I am constantly fighting my mind’s need to regress into depression or a self-loathing party and hold on to God’s promises which, for the most part, look like lies. Yes, I know what the word of God says. Yes, I know who God is. And yes, I know I should hold on to the hem of His garment more than I look at the people who are appalled by my actions. But you know what else I hear and know and constantly see? My reality. I feel like I am failing God and Christianity and myself by the way I am moved and crushed by how things look like they aren’t working for me. I am in the watering stage of growing my seed and I can’t see the growth. Sometimes I question if the pain is the ‘growth’ or if it is just life being life and throwing lemons at a woman who doesn’t have the skill of squeezing juice out the fruit with dignity. I relate so much to the Psalms of David. I find myself praising God one minute, asking Him to kill my enemies (of which I think I am the biggest) and asking Him to save me – all in one prayer! I am walking this thin line of faith and questioning if my faith is really faith or just lunacy at this point. In fact, I ask God if my faith is mustard sized. If it is big enough to get Him moving. As I write this, I am currently at this place where I say “God, if me penning this article proves that I have faith that my website and ministry will happen, then receive my tattered and quivering hallelujah. It’s not pretty and I am well aware of how a majority of it is laced with fear and doubt, but it is all I have left in me. It is the little glimmer of hope that I see when I close my eyes and there is a darkness that I feel is descriptive of my life right now. I hope it’s enough Lord. And I hope You won’t resent me for it.”

I am not praying as often as I need to. I get on my knees and fall into a ball of tears until I fall asleep. Other times I sit in what I presume is the presence of God but somehow can’t see or feel Him. I am numb most times – too numb to mouth any word to God. When my mouth feels too heavy to open, I speak in my heart or mind or wherever my words get processed and imagine God can hear me. I desperately hope He can. I desperately hope He is moved by everything that is moving me. On most days, I read my Bible and imagine this elevated version of myself sprinkling water on the seed God gave me. Is it enough? I hope so. I hope that God sees my half-hearted efforts and is pleased by my waking up to water His seed than He is repulsed by my lack of faith in having that seed grow.

This is my faith declaration. It is my belief in what God says is my promise to me. It is my way of saying “Maybe my situation is looking like You have taken me for eediat, but then again, me not preparing the way for Your promises looks a lot like me not believing enough.” This is my way of saying I believe. I believe in You, I believe in Your word, and I believe You’re working. Thank You for not stopping when I do.


Vincent   2020-11-05 09:53:38

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